For friends and family
How to help someone in an abusive relationship
When someone you care about is experiencing abuse, knowing how to help can feel overwhelming. You want to be supportive, but you also do not want to make things worse. The most important thing to know is that you do not have to be an expert. You just need to be present, listen without judgment, and connect them with professional help when they are ready.
In immediate danger, call 911 when it is safe to do so. Choosing any button on this site does not dispatch help or file a report.
Listen without judgment
If someone confides in you that they are experiencing abuse, the most powerful thing you can do is listen. Do not interrogate, do not minimize what they describe, and do not immediately tell them what to do. Abuse often involves being controlled and dismissed. Being truly heard can be a rare and meaningful experience.
Avoid saying things like "just leave" or "why do you stay?" Leaving is often the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship, and the person facing abuse knows their situation better than anyone else. Instead, let them know you believe them, you are there for them, and they are not alone.
Help them connect with professional support
You can offer to help them contact a hotline or local service. The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers support by call, text, and chat. You can offer to sit with them while they call, or help them find a safe time and device to reach out. But the decision to contact a service must be theirs.
If they are not ready, that is okay. Keep the door open. Let them know you are available whenever they need you, and check in regularly in a way that feels safe for them.
What not to do
- Do not confront the person causing harm — this can escalate danger.
- Do not pressure them to leave before they are ready.
- Do not make plans on their behalf or promise more than you can deliver.
- Do not keep it secret from professionals if a child is being harmed.
Take care of yourself
Supporting someone in an abusive relationship can be emotionally draining. You are not responsible for their safety, and you cannot fix the situation alone. Reach out to a hotline yourself if you need guidance on how to support someone effectively while taking care of your own well-being.